Letter to Harm
by JavaJunkie4eVa
Summary: COMPLETE What if FW&FS ended differently? How does Harm find out? bad summary. just read, its quick and simple
1. Letter Mac

Disclaimer : I Don't own anything to do with Jag. The only thing that i own is the idea of this story. Sorry if it may sound similar to another, i haven't read every story on the JAG FanFic.

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1 year after Fair Winds and Following Seas

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May 2006

Dear Harm,

I've written this letter a thousand times and never been able to write the right words. I know that I haven't kept in contact like I said I would, but I have been really busy here. I know what your saying, "you shouldn't be too busy to reply to and old friend, a best friend", but with what I have to tell you, you'll understand, I hope.

I also know that you don't talk to your mum as much. How do I know? Well, I talk to your mum at least once a week. She misses you and wishes that you would call, or even email more often. We talk about you often. I know it's hard with Mattie, but she is improving. Yes, I do still talk to Mattie, mainly through email though. I talk to Jen as well. Jen said that both she and Mattie are doing well. Jen also said that you're doing well, and that she's glad that you asked her to go with you. I'm bummed. I got stuck with Vukovic. Bud and Harriet wanted to stay, so did Sturgis. Said that he wanted to stay near Varesse. Vukovic still drives me crazy, but that's what I've got to deal with, everyone else unavailable.

Anyways, getting back to the reason why I'm writing to you. I remember that night we shared. The one in your apartment, the last night that we were both in DC. Even though I knew you loved me, and that I love you, I knew that we wouldn't go any further in a relationship. Both our careers were more important to us than us. But I believe that our love for each other is going some place better. Yours is going to Mattie, and mine to Mackenzie.

Who's Mackenzie? Well, Mackenzie is my daughter. She's the miracle of my life. Never thought that I would get pregnant, yet, I did. I can't explain how or why, but I did. She's gorgeous harm. She's beautiful, dainty, yet strong in so many ways. She's a fighter like her parents. Because of the issues I had with getting pregnant in the first place, I had a little trouble with the pregnancy. Bed rest from 5 months, hospitalised from 6 months, and little Mackenzie was born at 7 ½ months. She was certainly a fighter. She wasn't fully developed and was in NICU for many months. I was able to take her home after 3 months. It was hard at first, juggling work and motherhood, but I had a lot of help from mum. She's helped me a lot with Mackenzie. Even though I've only just gone back to work, it's still hectic. Mum is still here at the moment and dads working, but will be here in a week. I love having mum and dad so close. I feel like I've had a family for ever. They've made me so welcome with no judgement.

I know that this is all sounding strange to you with all that I'm saying. But I bet the number one thought going on in your head is, "who's the father". Well, the father is not here anymore. I haven't seen or heard from him in a year. Only 4 people know who he is, 1 hasn't met him yet. I talk to Mackenzie about her father all the time though. But, it's only me, as well as mum and dad and Mackenzie that know. Although Harriet has tried a few times. I told her that I want to tell the father first, and see what his reaction would be. I suppose that's why I'm writing you. Get your reaction on the situation.

I'll leave it up with you, and hope to know what you think and feel. By the way, I've enclosed the picture of my daughter, Mackenzie Patricia Rabb. Named after myself and her grandmother, with her fathers name.

Love

Sarah

P.S I know that there is no excuse as to why i didnt tell you before, or that Trish, Frank and Grandma Sarah knew and you didn't. But I will promise you that when you do want to talk to me, ask me questions, I will with honesty.

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Please R&R

I don't know yet if this is a one off chapter or an actual story in the making. I'll wait and see with the reviews. If i get any!!!!LoL


	2. Harms Thoughts

Disclaimer : I don't own JAG. Only this story

Readers : For this chapter, the Italics is the letter from the previous chapter. So, if you want to read the Italics, you can, but if your've read the first chapter, its your choice. I woke up this morning to 9 reviews. Woke up at 8.45am, and its 9.44am now. So, this chapter has been written in less than an hour, thanx to the readers that wanted more. Hope you like it.

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I'm sitting here, staring at the letter in my hand. It's from her. I knew it was before I even saw the address on the back. I know her writing. It's got a distinctive curl to it. Its beautiful writing. I haven't heard from her for over a year. Why should I read it, she's never written or called before, but then, I haven't called either. Maybe something's happened. Maybe she's found someone and wanted to tell me. Oh god, what if it is someone else.

Ok, the only way that I'm going to know is to open it. Here goes.

_Dear Harm,_

_I've written this letter a thousand times and never been able to write the right words. I know that I haven't kept in contact like I said I would, but I have been really busy here. I know what your saying, "you shouldn't be too busy to reply to and old friend, a best friend", but with what I have to tell you, you'll understand, I hope._

Oh god. She's found someone else. Can understand, she's busy with him to call or write me. Well, it's my own fault, should have done more when I was there.

_I also know that you don't talk to your mum as much. How do I know? Well, I talk to your mum at least once a week. She misses you and wishes that you would call, or even email more often. We talk about you often. I know it's hard with Mattie, but she is improving. Yes, I do still talk to Mattie, mainly through email though. I talk to Jen as well. Jen said that both she and Mattie are doing well. Jen also said that you're doing well, and that she's glad that you asked her to go with you. I'm bummed. I got stuck with Vukovic. Bud and Harriet wanted to stay, so did Sturgis. Said that he wanted to stay near Varesse. Vukovic still drives me crazy, but that's what I've got to deal with, everyone else unavailable._

I hope it's not Vukovic that she's seeing. Na! Against regs, she wouldn't do that. Hey! Wait! She's talking to my mum and frank. She's also talking to Mattie and Jen. Why haven't they told me that they talk to her? I happy that Jens happy to be here, she's like my own daughter, but I wont tell her that. I get in enough trouble for checking on her like twenty times a day. She's starting to get the marine look about her when I ask. You know the I'm-a-marine-and-can-look-after-myself-look. Mac always has that look when I ask about her.

_Anyways, getting back to the reason why I'm writing to you. I remember that night we shared. The one in your apartment, the last night that we were both in DC. Even though I knew you loved me, and that I love you, I knew that we wouldn't go any further in a relationship. Both our careers were more important to us than us. But I believe that our love for each other is going some place better. Yours is going to Mattie, and mine to Mackenzie._

Of course I remember that night. The best night in my life. I finally had the woman of my dreams, my soul mate, my one and only, and I blew it. Yeah, I told her that I loved her, I really meant it to, but me and my stupid mouth about work being more important. I thought she was going to kill me then. Why did I resign right there? Why didn't I tell her to come with me? I would have had my three girls with me. Mackenzie? She's gay. God, after one night with me, she's turned gay. God!

_Who's Mackenzie? Well, Mackenzie is my daughter. She's the miracle of my life. Never thought that I would get pregnant, yet, I did. I can't explain how or why, but I did. She's gorgeous harm. She's beautiful, dainty, yet strong in so many ways. She's a fighter like her parents. Because of the issues I had with getting pregnant in the first place, I had a little trouble with the pregnancy. Bed rest from 5 months, hospitalised from 6 months, and little Mackenzie was born at 7 ½ months. She was certainly a fighter. She wasn't fully developed and was in NICU for many months. I was able to take her home after 3 months. It was hard at first, juggling work and motherhood, but I had a lot of help from mum. She's helped me a lot with Mackenzie. Even though I've only just gone back to work, it's still hectic. Mum is still here at the moment and dads working, but will be here in a week. I love having mum and dad so close. I feel like I've had a family for ever. They've made me so welcome with no judgement._

Thank god. Her daughter, not her partner. I worried for a minute then. It is a miracle about Mackenzie, and Mac seems to have been through a lot with her. I'm happy she's had her family there, she must be talking with her mum again. Got a step-dad too. I'm glad she's reconnected with her mum, they've been through a lot. Where's the father? Bigger question, who's the father? God, not Vukovic. He's been after her from the get go. She wouldn't have, would she? She never slept with me, well, after 9 years, but still.

_I know that this is all sounding strange to you with all that I'm saying. But I bet the number one thought going on in your head is, "who's the father". Well, the father is not here anymore. I haven't seen or heard from him in a year. Only 4 people know who he is, 1 hasn't met him yet. I talk to Mackenzie about her father all the time though. But, it's only me, as well as mum and dad and Mackenzie that know. Although Harriet has tried a few times. I told her that I want to tell the father first, and see what his reaction would be. I suppose that's why I'm writing you. Get your reaction on the situation._

_I'll leave it up with you, and hope to know what you think and feel. By the way, I've enclosed the picture of my daughter, Mackenzie Patricia Rabb. Named after myself and her grandmother, with her fathers name._

Is she saying that I'm the father? I'm Mackenzie's father? I don't think so. I can't be the father. But then she did say that Mackenzie has her father's name. But I can't be the only Rabb in America, can I. but she's also name after her grandma. Mums names Patricia, but there have to be others named Patricia too.

_Love_

_Sarah_

_P.S I know that there is no excuse as to why I didn't tell you before, or that Trish, Frank and Grandma Sarah knew and you didn't. But I will promise you that when you do want to talk to me, ask me questions, I will with honesty._

God, I am the father. I'm a dad, I'm a dad. God, I'm a dad. Am I happy, am I sad, am I angry. God, I don't know what I'm feeling. Why didn't she tell me? She's been talking with my family. How can she tell them and not me? Ok, ok, ok, calm down. Just sort one thing out at a time. Bloody hell, now I'm talking to myself. ARGH!!!!!

Ok, one step at a time. So, Mackenzie's about 4 ½ - 5 months old. Well, that would put it at about right. But how do I know for sure. Paternity test is the only way, or I could just trust Mac. No, I have to know for real. But man, she has my eyes.

Next step, my family. How can they know and not tell me. I thought Grandma Sarah of all people would have told me. But then, I am stubborn. Would I have listened? Don't know. I wonder if mum, frank and Grandma Sarah have met Mackenzie. Knowing Mac, they would have. Mac is big on family and she would have wanted Mackenzie to know her family. But then, why not tell the father so the father could be there also. Mac has a strange way of thinking.

What do I do know. Do I stay here and think nothing about it. God no! I want to know my daughter. Should I reply to the letter? But what do I say. Maybe I should just go out there and see her for myself. But what do I say to Mac.

Ok, the only way is to go there. When I can. I'm really busy with work at the moment. I also have to talk to Mattie and Jen about it. Until then, I won't send or reply to anything. I'm a father again. I've got another daughter. Oh man, I'm in for it now.

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Please R&R. I like reviews, especially when people give ideas off. Anyways, hope you all like it. Mayb another chapter in the future now, since people like the story. 


	3. Letter to Mac

**Disclaimer : **I don't own anything to do with JAG

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As much as I want to go there, I think I should reply first. I know how she hates surprises. I think it would also ease her mind to let her know that I got the letter. I think that I would be welcome to visit, since she has let me know about Mackenzie, but I think that I should also let her know that I am coming soon.

I'm ecstatic to have another daughter. Even Mattie and Jen were excited when I told them. Mattie wants to come with me. I don't know about that, I think I want to go by myself first, but then, she does want to meet her sister, and she also wants to see her grandparents.

**As harm sits at his desk in the home office, he starts to compose a letter to Mac**

Dear Mac,

I don't know what to say. I'm shocked. I wasn't expecting anything like this. I have another daughter, one that you didn't tell me about. You just sprung it on me like it's something you say everyday. Mattie and Jen are ecstatic though. Mattie said that she's glad to have a sister, and Jen said that she's glad to be an auntie. The both said to say congratulations and can't wait to see you and Mackenzie.

I don't know how you convinced my family not to tell me. You are stubborn and strong. But I suppose that I wouldn't have listened to them if they had told me. I think that my reaction would be different to you telling me. I certainly wouldn't have believed them if they told me, that's for sure. She beautiful though. She looks so much like you, she's certainly going to be turning heads when she's older, but she's not dating till she's 30. She's absolutely gorgeous.

Anyways, I know this is short. I'm still recovering from the sock of your news. But you know me. I've got heaps of leave on the books, so I'm going to come out to California. I'll stay with mum and frank, but I would like to see you, I would also love to see Mackenzie, and get to know her. I'm bringing Mattie, she wants to meet Mackenzie and see her grandparents. I'll see you soon

Love

Harm

P.S. I miss you, and can't wait to see you.

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Please R&R...if you want to... 


	4. Macs Thoughts

**Disclaimer : **I don't own anything to doo with JAG

**A/N : **This will be the last chapter, but there will be a sequel to it.

**A/N : **I would also like to thank my readers, especially HATBC, Michelle UK, Daisymh, and the many more that have read and reviewed it.

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Mac was coming in from a long day at work. She went to the mail box, got out the mail and walked through the door. She let the nanny go, went and saw Mackenzie, who was fast asleep. She then went into the kitchen and made herself a coffee and checked the mail.

"Bill, bill, bill….man, all these damn bills…ahhh! Here's something…..God, it's from Harm"

Mac sat there, just looking at the unopened envelope. She didn't think that she would get a reply back so quick, or at all.

_Dear Mac,_

_I don't know what to say. I'm shocked. I wasn't expecting anything like this. I have another daughter, one that you didn't tell me about. You just sprung it on me like it's something you say everyday. Mattie and Jen are ecstatic though. Mattie said that she's glad to have a sister, and Jen said that she's glad to be an auntie. The both said to say congratulations and can't wait to see you and Mackenzie._

Had a feeling that it would shock him. But I also knew that he would go to Mattie and Jen for advice. I knew that Jen would be happy, I wasn't sure about Mattie though. Even though I talk to her every now and then, I hadn't told her anything about being pregnant. I'm glad that she's happy about it.

_I don't know how you convinced my family not to tell me. You are stubborn and strong. But I suppose that I wouldn't have listened to them if they had told me. I think that my reaction would be different to you telling me. I certainly wouldn't have believed them if they told me, that's for sure. She beautiful though. She looks so much like you, she's certainly going to be turning heads when she's older, but she's not dating till she's 30. She's absolutely gorgeous._

It was hard for me to get his family to understand, but I think they finally agreed so that I wouldn't get upset. They knew that I had trouble with the pregnancy, and I think that they thought that if I got upset, something may happen. But I also promised them that I would tell Harm, eventually. I know she's gorgeous; she's more like her father I think. Looking at his baby pictures, I can see the resemblance. I can't believe he just said that she's not dating till she's 30. He's going to be a tough father. Well, if he wants to be her father. I feel sorry for her already.

_Anyways, I know this is short. I'm still recovering from the sock of your news. But you know me. I've got heaps of leave on the books, so I'm going to come out to California. I'll stay with mum and Frank, but I would like to see you, I would also love to see Mackenzie, and get to know her. I'm bringing Mattie, she wants to meet Mackenzie and see her grandparents. I'll see you soon_

Man…..he's coming out here. What am I going to say to him"? How am I going to feel when I see him? God! I'm nervous already, and he's not even here. Although I cant wait to see Mattie. Maybe while Harm spends a day with Mackenzie, I can spend the day with Mattie. Have a girl's day with her.

_Love_

_Harm_

_P.S. I miss you, and can't wait to see you._

I wonder when he's going to come out here. I hope that he wants to be a part of Mackenzie's life. I know that it will be hard, him living in London, and me here. I suppose that he can travel here, and I can travel there a couple of times a year. But man, that's going to be expensive. I suppose, for Mackenzie to spend time with her father, it'll be priceless……

I wonder how he's going to be around her. I hope that he at least like her. I've got a feeling though that Mackenzie's going to feel that her father is there. I tell her about him all the time, and I show her pictures of him. I'm never going to stop him from seeing her.

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Please R&R

**A/N : **I would like to thank all my reader again.


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